When packing your bag for a summer camping music festival, there are a few essential items you must have for guaranteed survival. Sunscreen? Check. Baby wipes? Better have. Peppermint essential oils and a bushel of Salvia Officinalis (that’s sage for the botanically uneducated). Done. But in the culture of music festivals in 2015, there’s another item that’s become a widespread staple. Without it, your festie-future maybe be as untenable as the mind of a wook.
Obviously, we speak of the totem.
From rave-outs like EDC to farmy extravaganzas like Bonnaroo, totems are ubiquitous. This year at Electric Forest in Rothbury, Michigan, you couldn’t walk two paces across the grass without gazing upon some bizarre, hilarious, and sometimes—impressively creative totem raised above you.
Like the music and crowd at the festival this year, the totem-vibe shifted this year in the Forest, with a new focus mainly pertaining to obsession with dicks, butts, dick-butts, Bassnectar, memes, and free gifts. I.E—hugs, high-fives, snacks, and even otherworldly advice.
Like year’s past, we hit the woods for some hunting. Here’s what we brought home for dinner:
THUMP: What do you have?
Bearded man: Open your hand
[Drops one peanut into my hand]
THUMP: Does this have acid in it?
“It was just the most beautiful out of all the available flowers.”
” We added a 3D-printed propeller this year.”
THUMP: Do you actually have?
[Friend casually slips gum into my pocket]
Gum guy: We don’t false advertise.
“My brother overdosed from heroin four times, so I’m out here spreading opiate awareness.”
THUMP: So, any calls?
Lost dick dude: A few texts to meet up and smoke a bowl.
It’s not the size of your totem man, but how you use it.
Now can you transfer some money into my checking account already?!
Brittany (girlfriend): Because they’re delicious! At least ten people have tried to eat it so far, but it’s still intact.
“I love bacon way too much man.”
“I’m just holding it for a friend I swear.”
“This is Carl the internet llama. He got himself a little boo-boo yesterday, but he’s ok.”
“IT’S RUTH BADER GINSBERG!”
David assures you that no totems were harmed in the making of this post. He’s on Twitter